The folks at SPEAK sure are working hard: not only did they put themselves in a lather about the re-start of construction on the research facility at Oxford University, but increasingly they seem to be putting words in people’s mouths – or at the very least shooting wildly from the hip. Recent self-congratulatory posts to their web site chronicle two organisations’ decisions to dissociate themselves from Oxford University. SPEAK described Fluid Gravity Engineering as having ‘reached a moral decision to have nothing to do with [Oxford],’ and thanked FGE for ‘basing their future financial dealings on ethical considerations.’ Wow. Sounds like FGE really had the long knives out for Oxford, eh? Well, here’s what they actually said: ‘Sirs, We will not be funding Oxford University in the future. Please can you confirm receipt of this letter and that this is sufficient to ensure we are removed from your list and your supporters informed of this fact.’
Attention, SPEAK: this is the Purple Prose Police! Pull over!
No mention of morals or ethics, and nary an animal in sight. It’s got much more the feel of, ‘OK, we’ll do what you ask, just stop sending us creepy, threatening letters – take us off your speed-dial, don’t call us, we’ll call you.’ But SPEAK, ever the bunny-boiling ex-partner, can’t resist twisting FGE’s words to its own ends. The bad news for SPEAK, however, is that just as it’s illegal to stalk and threaten an individual, it’s also illegal to stalk and threaten companies.
At least FGE’s connection to laboratory science is discernible – not that this in any way makes logical SPEAK’s self-proclaimed ‘legitimacy’ of FGE as an affiliate of Oxford – because no such relationship is apparent in the case of the Edinburgh College of Art, also outed and touted by SPEAK. ECA do indeed make their stance on animal research known. This is perhaps confusing given ECA’s affiliation with the University of Edinburgh, which validates their degrees and which has a bioscience program of its own, but figuring out why SPEAK picked on ECA in the first place (anyone . . . anyone . . . Bueller?) is just plain surreal.
Let’s try on SPEAK’s Six-Degrees-of-Separation/Kevin-Bacon rationale for size, shall we? Edinburgh College of Art taught the stained glass craftswoman who designed a new window for the chapel of Oriel College Oxford . . . the window chronicles the life of clergyman and thinker John Henry Newman . . . whose surname is the same as that of actor Paul Newman . . . who was in the movie Harry and Son with the actress Maury Chaykin . . . who was in the movie Where the Truth Lies with Kevin Bacon . . . who has been linked by a reputable US newspaper to Al-Qaeda.
Which means – you guessed it – SPEAK’s next target is Al-Qaeda. And why not? Surely Osama Bin Laden’s greatest crime in SPEAK’s eyes is his reputed dependence on kidney dialysis, which after all would not have been developed without animal research.
<Wrap up...>
